Are You Sure?
by Kel56
Summary: A Bokuken story. Kenma's been terminally ill for a while now and his time is almost up. But he doesn't want to let this disease control how he leaves this earth and where. He's made plans to do it the way he wants. This is his last wish. Now it's time.


_Warning: This story contains death (by assisted suicide sort of?) and terminal illness. The illness is unspecified and not detailed and the death is quick and also not detailed, but if you are easily triggered by either, please be responsible and DO NOT READ. _

_Hope you enjoy this short Bokuken story!_

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"It's time," Kenma whispered. He turned his head away from the window being beaten with rain to the gentle face of the owl man he had come to know and love. "Kou.."

Bokuto lifted his face from his folded arms resting on clean white linens that reeked of hospital antiseptic. He'd known this moment was coming but the words still ripped a tear in his gentle heart. He swallowed hard and met those strong golden eyes, now dulled with illness and exhaustion, and nodded. "Are you sure?"

It was a pointless question. Of course Kenma was sure. Of course he nodded, though the nod was weak and barely noticeable.

Tears beaded in the corners of both their eyes and Bokuto reached for Kenma's hand. His large calloused fingers wrapped around Kenma's bony dry hand and squeezed it as tight as he dared.

"It will be okay. I promise." Kenma rubbed his thumb over the other's skin in an attempt to comfort him, but there was little comfort that could be had in a moment like this. And those words were all it took to break the gates holding back the owl mans tears. "Kou…"

"It won't. It won't be okay for me. But I.. but I.." He wiped away the tears with his free hand before running it through Kenma's now black hair, or what was left. It had thinned terribly, but Bokuto still thought it was stunning. "I promised. And you said I have to keep my promises now so.. So I'm.. I'm going.. I'm going to do that."

It was almost impossible to talk with as much as he was crying. He didn't want to do this, but they'd talked. They'd talked many long nights and he made an important promise; a promise he couldn't break.

Slowly he stood from the chair and pushed it back. He pulled his hand from Kenma's, although reluctantly, and took a deep breath. He could do this. He had to do this. He loved Kenma.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a quick text to Kuroo, his and Kenma's best friend and the man who was supposed to be their best man at the wedding. In a way, he still was. But this wasn't the way they dreamed.

It only took a moment before Kuroo texted back and then it really was time. Bokuto slid his arm under Kenma's knobby knees and another behind his head to lift him bridal style and pull him close to his chest. He pressed Kenma's head against his heart so Kenma could hear it beat, something that had always been calming to Kenma in the past. Though now it took much more effort for Bokuto to keep it calm and steady. It took a lot more effort to even convince it to keep beating.

The two made their way down the quiet hospital halls as the nurses stood still and watched. It was a small hospital and everyone knew the two boys and loved them. And everyone knew where they were going and that they wouldn't be coming back. It only seemed appropriate to hold a silent vigil as they left for the last time.

The paperwork for release was already signed. Kuroo was already waiting in his dads black corolla at the entrance. All they had to do was walk out and get in. But as they passed through the sliding doors, Bokuto stopped.

"Are you sure," he asked once again.

"You already asked that, Kou. Please. I'm tired," Kenma's voice came out strained as he closed his eyes and pressed his face into the warmth of Bokuto's chest. He understood this was hard. It wasn't easy for him either. But he was ready and he didn't have much time. He nudged Bokuto with what little strength he could muster and gripped his shirt in trembling pale hands. "Please."

Bokuto gulped. "Okay. It's okay." He buried his face in Kenma's hair and breathed in deep. Apple scented shampoo filled his nostrils and brought a little comfort to him as he took the few steps to the car and slid inside, still holding Kenma to his chest. Afterall, it didn't matter much now if he wore a seatbelt.

"Kuroo, hurry," he urged, though he still kept his voice low. After months of Kenma not being able to tolerate loud noises, he'd learned not to shout even when the situation was urgent. And it was.

The ride was silent. Most of what they needed to say had been said days before; just in case they ran out of time. Now there was little left and only the rain drops on the roof to fill the long gap till the car stopped in front of the park entrance.

Thanks to the rain, there were very few souls wandering about. It was just an ordinary outdoor park afterall, at least for most. But for Bokuto and Kenma it was where they had their first date and where Bokuto had proposed over a year ago, before Kenma got sick. The silly owl like man had rented a canoo after reading about it online as a 'cool date idea' without realizing Kenma was terrified of boats and couldn't swim. And when Kenma had refused to get in, Bokuto had looked so horrified and heartbroken that he had made such a big mistake on their first date. He thought Kenma would never go out with him again. But it worked out. They ended up having the picnic in the boat but lodged in the sandy shore so it wasn't scary or dangerous.

However, Bokuto convinced Kenma to let him teach him to swim and they took canoeing lessons too. Kenma wasn't thrilled with how hard it was, but he went along with it. By the time Bokuto was ready to propose, they were able to go out into the middle of the lake. Granted, Bokuto did most of the rowing, but they were together nonetheless.

It was a weird story by Kenma's standards. Bokuto had been so extra about the entire thing. But they'd fallen in love somewhere in all of that. It only seemed right today's events happened here.

Bokuto wrapped Kenma up in an extra blanket and carried him to the boats with Kuroo holding umbrellas in a desperate and nearly hopeless attempt to keep them dry. But again, it hardly mattered now. As long as Kenma could hold out just a little longer, it didn't matter if they got wet or Kuroo and Bokuto caught colds.

The canoe was already ready with the ores and some towels under a tent to wipe the seats, which Kuroo quickly took care of before the three men climbed in.

Today, Kenma didn't row at all. He sat in the middle, wrapped up in two blankets, and using the last of his strength to stay upright and under the large umbrella wedged in between him and the side, as Kuroo and Bokuto steered the boat to the middle of the lake. It stayed as silent as the car ride. Or almost. Aside from the not quite silent crying from Bokuto's end.

Kuroo, on the other hand, kept a stony expression and focused on the task at hand. It wasn't easy to keep control of his emotions either, knowing what his two best friends were going through and what he was about to lose, but he'd done his crying already. Now he had to be strong for his friends. However, just because he didn't cry didn't mean his fists were wrapped around the ores so tightly they were as white as Kenma's skin and sore after seconds.

Soon they were in the middle of the lake. Kenma coughed and tried his best to stop shivering and have a few more moments of alertness as Bokuto put the ores down. It wasn't easy. He was freezing and weak, but he only had to last a little longer. Just a little longer and he could give in.

"We're here…. Kenma?" Bokuto stared at Kenma and waited for golden eyes to meet his again before pulling a plastic bag from his pocket.

His face was a mess of redness, tears, and snot as he tried to gather his thoughts. He should have written down his words, but of course he didn't think of that. Slowly he started to speak, interrupted by quick shallow breaths and sniffles.

"Kenma I.. you're like… you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I know… I know I.. I annoyed you a lot but I." He stopped as a pair of dry cracked lips pressed against his and lingered till Bokuto's no longer tried to move.

"I told you no words," Kenma whispered, parting with just a few inches between their faces. "I know, and I can't bear to hear it.." His eyes stared at Bokuto's with pain and sadness mixed into the gold and brown flakes and Bokuto pressed his lips together and nodded obediently.

He pulled a ring from the plastic bag and slipped it on to Kenma's finger, then another on his own since Kenma was to weak to do it. He spoke no words and neither did Kuroo because that's what Kenma wanted; because they had already spoken their words. Then he forced out a smile and held up their hands so Kuroo could see.

Kuroo left the ores behind and carefully crawled forward to pull Kenma into a gentle hug. "I love you too," he whispered before letting go. There was still one last thing to do.

As Kenma settled against Bokuto's chest and felt his arms wrapped around him, he sighed. This was where he wanted to be. This was how he wanted his last minutes. And they would be his last one way or another.

Bokuto gulped and nuzzled Kenma's hair once again. He pulled a large pill from the bag and placed it into Kenma's hand. "Are you sure," he asked once more before letting go of the smaller hand.

But of course, Kenma was sure and Bokuto already knew that. Bokuto let go of the pill completely. He didn't want this, but this wasn't his choice. Kenma had suffered enough. This was their wedding and Kenma's day. His best and last day.

It felt like the world slowed down as Kenma raised the pill to his mouth and swallowed it whole. He choked a little, as it was the first thing he'd tried to keep down in days, but his desire to be done and end this life on his own terms won. He wasn't going to die in a hospital bed. He was going to die here with the most important people to him in the most meaningful place. In the place he fell in love. He was going to control how he went out.

He felt the boat rocking more and another set of arms wrap around him as his eyes closed. The patter of rain on the lake, the swaying of the boat, the beating of his husbands and best friends hearts, shuddering breaths and sobs faded into nothingness as the life slipped from his body. Silently. Peacefully. On his own terms.


End file.
